So, this is our family and this is how we should live, ought to live. We have values, principles. and we stick by them, we respect them and they in turn bring us respect.
Wait...
Im not so sure about the last part anymore. These values seem to be doing nothing much for us because they are excessive, they are outdated and they do not apply to the current world anymore.
All they have ever done for me is to deprive me of unforgettable memories i should have had of my school days, precious moments of elation and carefree joy i should have experienced during my teenage years, learning points of courage and maturity i should have been proud of during times of mistakes and errors.
I was never allowed to enjoy the things other teens enjoyed, never allowed the carefree laughter the others indulged in. Always had to think of repercussions, always had to worry about what my parents would say, whether they would like it or not. Whether families like ours did such things or not.
I was never allowed to make mistakes. So when am i going to learn?
All this is coming to me so strongly now, because i realised that even after so many years we are counting money to spend on anything, im having to stifle myself and forgo my holidays just to work my ass off for a dream i want to realise.
And there is an obstacle at every point, at every step i take. And im finding it hard and im getting tired.
True, i dont have the kind of problems many do. I do not have a dysfunctional family, my parents try hard to provide me with anything i want.
But thats the problem, that we still have to try very very hard for every minor thing we want. and why is that? because we are still hung up on certain values and principles that are huge ass boulders in the path to success we are taking.
And im feeling the whole brunt of it. Because im a girl and im born in this family.
I know after a while when ive cooled down, all these thoughts of mine will seem silly to me and ill ask myself why im so childishly angry about these things. But i wonder which one is really temporary, the anger or the cooling down....
